walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
