Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How naked do you want me to be?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
