Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
