Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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