Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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