i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
