Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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