My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is my gift to your gina
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
