I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
