dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
