so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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