I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
