Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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