Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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