Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
