Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
