I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I will be naked everywhere
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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