none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
