remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
