can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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