so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I understand Curling. That high.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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