i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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