Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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