Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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