Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this beer tastes like vomit already
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
