why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
