Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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