you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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