If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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