My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
even my farts smell like vagina
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
