u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
