Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
MIDGETS
????
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
