no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
