dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
