dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
