just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
