Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
