now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
