garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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