I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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