he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
