if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
