I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
