so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
