If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
