I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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