After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
