I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
