Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
