i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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