Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
