At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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