I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
