I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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