I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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