after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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