I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.