His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it