i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator