I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.