she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.