1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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