I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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