Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
