I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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